Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Attack of the Wiggy Bangs

A comment in the last post got me thinking about something that I see quite often on the red carpet but was hesitant to bring up on this blog for two reasons. One, it's a hair police issue which can get heated sometimes and two, of the most recent perps are women that I just love: Joy Bryant and Kerry Washington

The issue is wiggy bangs.

Let me start by stating that I have nothing against a weave, a relaxer or a natural. I firmly believe that we are all sisters under the scalp even if some of us have chemical burns and track marks on ours.

Speaking as a person who in high school had a bi-level two toned jheri curl (technically it was a Wave Nouveau but it did just as much damage,) I simply cannot throw stones. To me, as long as a sister's hair is looking fly, I have no complaints.

But I cannot stand wiggy looking bangs. Bangs are tricky enough as it is. Really they are the follicular equivalent of those big ass sunglasses that skinny starlets were sporting two summers ago -- meaning that just because they are in style, that doesn't mean that you should sport them too.

On the wrong head bangs can make a woman's face look like a troll. If they are too long, a pot head; too short, and they make you look like an idiot who burned off her hair with a too hot curling iron.

This is complicated even more for full weave wearers. Choose the wrong texture and cut and suddenly those silky tresses look like rejected scraps from the Barbie wigging floor at Mattel. I'm talking lumpy, artificially shiny and fake as the friendships on "The Real Housewives of Atlanta."

Kelly Rowland' strikes a wiggy pose

That said, I'd take Barbie bangs over a crusty lace-front wig any day of the week. Seriously, some women (who shall remain nameless) are not even trying to hide that line of demarkation anymore *cough*Tyra*cough*.

It saddens me that I've seen Joy and Kerry sporting Barbie bangs recently. In the past I've tried to turn a blind eye but I had to get if off my chest:

Ladies, if your six year old god daughter has taken to hiding her dolls anytime you come around, it might be your bangs!

Please take those overwhelming bangs down and start over. Extension bangs can be done right but you might have to comparison shop or find a weaver with a special bang guarantee. Do this so you can just go back to being fabulous and I can go back to fawning.

I should add that bad bangs also afflict the weaveless and occasional piece wearer. A careful study of Jada Pinkett Smith reveals that her bang game has varying degrees of success and failure. You be the judge here:

Okay I'm done.


Ebony Intuition said...

I agree, im a weave wearer too, and honestly I haven't done bangs in so long that im afraid to do them again lol. You have to make sure they are cut at the right length and have the right texture of hair also.

Jada's bangs look great in the 2nd picture and 4th picture

Project Christopher said...

At my last job I had the pleasure of working with a very fashionista fun type black woman Valencia who taught me about wigs, weaves, falls, etc. (the job was boring and we had a lot of free time) but this post went right over this white boy's head.... I'm going to go google "bi-level two toned jheri curl" so I'll have a clue what you're talking about.
But, you're right, I do get the term 'wiggy bangs' and they don't look too good. the perfect line of cut almost reminds me of a bowl cut that THIS boy had as a child.
I also agree, though, as long as they look fly... let 'em be. Just hope it doesn't go to their head and think their head can get away with that all the time :)

Anonymous said...

This is exactly what I don't understand about celebrities. They have the time, money, and manpower to have the best hair possible, yet they insist on wearing these unflattering weaves that do them few favors. I have nothing against wearing weaves as they have no effect on me, but I think they should at least invest in a weave that looks like it could be her own hair. Stop going overboard ladies. Less is always more and you will still be just as attractive. I promise.

Brigitte said...

@ I'm going to go google "bi-level two toned jheri curl" so I'll have a clue what you're talking about.

When I was in high school is was trendy to cut one side of one's hair much shorter than the other ala Salt n Pepa in the "Push it Video." Also, in an effort to give myself hightlights, I used peroxide on my hair which gave it an awful rusty color. It took years to grow that mess out.

@Jada's bangs look great in the 2nd picture and 4th picture

I like them in the 4th pic, they almost make up for that outfit.

@I haven't done bangs in so long that im afraid to do them again lol.

I've never been able to pull off bangs, I think maybe my forehead is too short.

Anonymous said...

Off topic, but worth it!
One of Jada's looks is reminding me of Betsey Johnson's sketch for Michelle Obama's inaguration look. Many other designers' sketches are in a slideshow at WWD. Please do a post about it!


Ajuna-Ariel said...

Oh Hell no! HELLLLLL NO!