She's Got the Look: The Final

The end is finally here. After weeks of passive buildup. The first winner of TVLand's "She's Got the Look" has been revealed.

The show starts with a review of how we got here. I was only half listening but the voice over said something about thousands applying before being widdled down to 20 and then to our 10 finanlist.

There were some doozies in that bunch but the stand out in the application round for me was Ernestine, the fifty something woman with the Crystal Gayle length blonde braids and the skin tight lepord leotard. How she was passed up for the likes of Angry Paula we will never know. I can only hope that Ernestine has a closetful of those getups and will be back to audtion for season two. If there is a season 2.

Anyway, let us begin. As usual, the show starts with the ladies in the loft. Apparently, it is two am because they all look beat.

Celeste once again confesses to being over the top in everything she does and she's not about to let this little show "embellish upon me." I wonder what it's like to sit at the breakfast table with Celeste and her husband Bill:

Bill: Celeste, my toast is ensconsed in the toaster oven.

Celeste: Bill darling, please embellish my english muffin with Polaner's All-fruit

Karin on the other hand, has learned to look in the mirror. I think we all would have been better served had she learned how to walk like she's not looking for crack rocks on the sidewalk but to each her own.

She adds, "I am discovering what I look like...When I came here I felt like I was here to be the comic relief because I was the ugly one..."

Awww, I hate when people call themselves ugly. Unless that person is Biz Markie and then I would  just change the subject.

At least Karin got a new haircut from this contest because that crusty straw mullet she walked in with was not doing her any favors.

Bahia has realized a dream and I have realized that although she is an attractive woman, she doesn't look that great for 37. I mean best of luck to her but she's never going to be in that "Black Don't Crack" issue of Essence. Mostly because she's not black but also because she looks every bit her age and then some.

Tanya mumbles something about being true to herself while the show reviews some of her awful wardrobe choices. It is alway 1992 in her closet.

Robot Kim Alexis congratulates the ladies on making it this far and tells them that their challenge is to come up with an idea for their SELF cover based on the "You at Your Best" theme.

Bahia shares that although she is a creative person but not like this. My question is how can you consider yourself a creative if you've never created something?

The challenge is supposed to encompass all that they've learned in the house. The only thing that I've learned as a viewer came from Paula and I'm not sure how I would go about putting all that on a piece of poster board.

Celeste tries to get us to believe that this challenge will be hard for her because she doesn't "talk much about herself or think about who [she] is." Yeah right. I bet she prepares a dozen index cards full of talking points before she goes to the gynocologist.

I'll mention here that Celeste is wearing about a half dozen pieces of "ethnic" jewelry in this scene. Seriously, it looks like she was shopping for it at Cost Plus right before a bomb went off.

Her board is going to be about the representation of a young body on an older woman. Celeste you look good but come on already.

Tanya...well, I don't know what Tanya was talking about but it has something to do with bubbles. She says, "If they send me home after this then it's time for me to go home." Thank you Siddharta.

Commercial Break: George Foreman has a new reality show and his wife has some seriously thick eyebrows. They're a Tweezerman's dream come true.

Now the ladies are meeting with the editors at SELF to unveil their ideas. Bahia is wearing that awful tinsle suit again. Really, is she homeless or something?

Her theme is "I Am Enough." which isn't bad. She presents a storyboard with a photo of herself sans makeup sitting in bed. The editors take one look at that suit and call bullshit on her theme. If she was "enough" then why stroll into an interview wearing a Christmas tree's cast-offs?

This pissed Bahia off. She hates being judged by women because women always tell other women that they are too sexy. I feel you Bahia but that suit still looks like shit.

Tanya's theme is "Beauty is a Journey, Not a Destination." In the middle of her storyboard is a bathtub that Kim Alexis thinks looks like a pot of chilli. The editors ask her why this journey ends in a bathtub and she can't really answer. She should have said that the bathtub is where she takes her Xantax but I guess she ran out of time.

I need to stop here to talk about Tanya's hair. In every one of her confessional pieces she looks like she just took the exit ramp off the freeway on the back of someone's moped without a helmet. There is no helping that woman if she thinks that hairstyle looks good to anyone except a bird in search of a home.

Celeste is up next. Her theme is "Ageless: Reaching for New Heights." She mentions that she's fifty three time and that she's fifty-one four times. Then she strips down to a workout outfit to show how fit she is at 50. Even the judges are annoyed.

Karin the Swede goes last and her theme is the Birth of Beauty. Her photo shows her peaking through the curtains in the loft and she's dressed like a riding instructor. That's all I think I need to say.

The judges deliberate. After a commercial from the AARP, Celeste is sent packing and actually has a very gracious exit. She only mentions that she's 50 four times.

Now the remaining women must realize their idea with help from a team of stylists and a photographer.

The photographer Ben Watts sounds like George Michael but looks like CNN's Richard Quest, if Richard Quest was a boxer instead of a reporter. He is also clearly not thrilled to be working on a second rate reality show because this dude is crabby. He seems to hate everyone's idea but has to go along because dental procedures aren't cheap and dude has some gnarly teeth.

Nothing much interesting happens here or at panel so lets just skip to the end. The ladies have their ideas reviewed. Bahia is dismissed first, she says that after all the hair and makeup treatments she can never go back to living in a van. She leaves behind Tanya (who looks fantastic with a new curly hairdo) and Karin.

After a bit of back and forth Tanya is declared the winner and I'm happy for her because I feel kinda like my mom won. The tagline on her SELF cover should read "They Stabbed Me Seven Times But I'm Still Here Bitches!" but they'll probably go with something tamer.

Sigh. What am I going to watch now?

ETA: So, every now and then I'll check to see what keywords people are using when they find my site because sometimes, it's just damn funny how they get here. Anyway, one thing that I've noticed is that one of the top keyword searches that lands visitors here this week is some variation of: Is Tanya from "She's Got the Look" black? Now, I'm not going to delve too deeply into this, that's what Racialicious is for, but to answer those dozen or so people (all but one from the South) who just have to know, the answer is yes. Tanya was profiled here and goes into her background quite a bit.